More on Etiquette: Cemetery Tips

We’ve been working through some basic funeral tips and etiquette over the past few months here on the blog. Today, we dive into cemetery dos and don’ts. As with any event related to end-of-life, respect is critical.

First and probably the simplest preparation you can do is to take a moment to check out the website of the site you’ll be visiting. For instance, at the Park, we have a website page dedicated to rules and regulations. Once you are on site, be sure to follow posted rules. Often these postings will note visiting hours, flower placement rules or simply be your guide to staying in the areas designated for visitors.

While attending a ceremony at a cemetery, be sure to keep conversation to a minimum, avoid any disruptive behavior and move children to the back of the setting if they are having a difficult time. Find ways to be helpful to the grieving family where possible.

When visiting a cemetery for reasons outside of a ceremony, be respectful of other people’s personal space. Do not accidentally or intentionally interrupt a person’s mourning or contemplative reflection. If a ceremony is in progress in the cemetery, keep a reasonable distance to allow for privacy.

Another seemingly simple, but important guideline is to leave the cemetery the way you found it. Do not leave trash and avoid actions that could damage the grounds.

Some community cemeteries like Toledo Memorial Park offer events and other uses of the facilities such as maps for walking and running. You are encouraged to take advantage of these offerings, but please remember the above etiquette suggestions still apply.

By acting in a respectful manner while visiting a cemetery you are helping to keep the facilities beautiful, peaceful and functional for everyone who uses them.

The Importance and Freedom of Pre-Planning Funeral Arrangements

We speak frequently here about how difficult it is to lose a loved one and hopefully by now you know this is a safe place to discuss difficult topics. A simple step to consider today is pre-planning your own end-of-life arrangements. Taking on this task now can ease so much added stress and even save money for your family in the future. It’s also a great opportunity to make sure your funeral is carried out according to your wishes.

It Shows Care for Your Loved Ones

Reduce the need for your family to make decisions under emotional duress by pre-planning. Grief is already so hard. Pre-planning your arrangements allows family and friends the space they need to support each other and move through the grieving process without having to spend time and energy on logistics and financial decisions.

It Makes Good Financial Sense for Today and Tomorrow

Financial preparation is really key here. Pre-planning allows you to lock in today’s prices, saving money by avoiding inflation. This helps protect your family from having to make financial decisions and incur additional costs down the road. 

It Allows You to Have Input in this Important Life Event

Taking the time to plan in advance gives you the opportunity to consider your own personal preferences. You’ll be able to choose the type of burial, location and all the details so that your wishes are well documented and easily executed. You’ll even be able to document your thoughts on readings, music and the type of services you prefer. It gives you a sense of control over this ceremonious event, but as noted above, it also releases your loved ones from making the decisions under stress.

There are many benefits to taking the time to pre-plan for yourself. Let the experts at Toledo Memorial Park guide you through the process. You’ll be able to explore both ground burial and cremation services options with a level head and can know you are ensuring your wishes are met and respected while reducing the burden on your family.

Supporting Young Hearts: The Grieving Process and Children

We all know there is no one, correct way to grieve. It’s different for everyone. When children are involved, it adds an additional layer to the process as they often don’t have the ability to articulate the way they feel, and it requires a grieving adult to be able to table their own process to provide support to the child. One funeral director lays out tips for helping families and children through the coping process.

Patience is the first thing the funeral director mentions. Being patient with children attending a service is key. One suggestion offered by the director is something we’ve discussed in our funeral etiquette series several times now and that’s to lean on the funeral home staff. Ask them for tips such as how to explain the open casket to children. Funeral home staff also often have resources available for children such as paper and coloring supplies. This can give the child a way to express themselves and offer a brief moment of respite for the adult.

Bring a delicate balance of honesty and comfort when supporting children. Open communication helps to create a safe space for them to express their emotions. Encourage them to share their thoughts, fears and memories. Use simple and clear language to help navigate the situation in an age-appropriate way. Let them know it's okay to feel sad, angry or confused. All feelings are valid.

Another tip is to inform older children they can exit the space at any moment and have another adult, such as a family friend, available to take younger children if it becomes clear they need a break. Having the dedicated immediate family-only rule that we’ve mentioned in past blogs for the family room is particularly helpful for this.

A story from verywell family explains that when a child is grieving it can be difficult to tell. The article goes on to say, “Kids process and display complex emotions differently than adults.” Things to look out for in children include new clinginess, regression, trouble at school, sleep issues and more.

The bottom line is that grief is a complicated and challenging emotion, and it can be difficult to support children during this time. Accept help from the funeral staff, watch for seemingly unusual signs of grief and consider professional grief counseling. All of these tips will go a long way for both the adults and children suffering the grieving process.

Practical Tips to Minimize Funeral Stress

We speak often on this blog about the difficulties that come with planning and attending the funeral of a loved one. There are many ways to prepare in advance to help create a smoother experience for yourself. For example, pre-planning arrangements for yourself or your loved one. But there are more nuanced helpful ways to reduce stress than the literal preparation for the event.

Set Boundaries:
We hear the term boundaries often these days. It has become a bit of a buzzword, but it’s quite important in so many aspects of our lives to have clearly defined boundaries to protect our own mental well-being. When it comes to dealing with the loss of a loved one, having clearly defined funeral boundaries in place can really help. Many funeral homes provide a private room for the immediate family. Make sure it’s clear that the family room is only intended for the immediate family of the deceased. It’s too easy for the room to fill up with well-intentioned people, but that defeats the very important purpose of the space. The immediate family needs a space that is calm and private. Your funeral director can help in making sure this boundary is respected.

Ditch the drama:
All reasons and excuses aside, funerals can bring out drama. It’s the last thing a person needs when taking care of funeral arrangements and coming to terms with the death of a loved one. In many cases, the simplest way to deal with this sort of thing is to find a family friend or extended family member who can snuff out drama before it starts.

Consider grief counseling/therapy:
As can be seen from the tips above, the key is to take the best care of yourself that’s possible during this time. Grief counseling and therapy can go a long way for many people. Other things to consider are grief and loss support groups in your area.

When it comes down to it, don’t be afraid to utilize your funeral director to the fullest extent. Ask every question that comes to mind, have them enforce boundaries, and more. Your expectations of the funeral director should be high and because of the sensitive nature of this business, most of the time, your high expectations will be met and even exceeded.

Navigating Funeral Attendee Etiquette with Compassion and Respect

To build on our last post about funeral attire, today we dive into more funeral etiquette tips to help because attending a funeral is never easy. Whether you are close to the person who passed away or you are close to the person who lost someone, it’s a poignant event. Funerals require a blend of sensitivity, compassion, and self-awareness. Use this guide to help you bring calm and comfort to your friends and loved ones without accidentally bringing unintended discomfort.

Dress Appropriately:
A funeral is a somber event. Choose subdued clothing, such as dark colors and conservative styles. Avoid flashy colors and accessories as well as overly casual attire.

Be Punctual:
It’s important to be on time when attending a funeral. Ideally, arrive a little early to show respect for the grieving family and to allow yourself time to find a seat without causing disruption. If you are unavoidably late, enter the venue quietly and consider staying in the back of the room.

Expressing Condolences:
Take a moment to express your condolences to the grieving family. A simple, heartfelt expression of sympathy goes a long way. Avoid clichés or heavy religious sentiments. A sincere, “I'm so sorry for your loss,” can be perfectly meaningful.

Mindful Behavior:
During the service, turn off your phone or set it to silent. If you need to leave early, do so discreetly. Keep conversations minimal and hushed.

Flowers or Gifts:
Generally, the traditional support is sending flowers or a sympathy card. Be mindful of cultural or religious preferences. Sometimes families request charitable donations in lieu of flowers. This is a great request to fulfill and will show the family how much you care.

Children at Funerals:
If you need to bring children to a funeral, prepare them for the nature of the event and help them understand the importance of quiet and respectful behavior.

Offer Practical Support:
Grieving families can often benefit from practical help in the days following a funeral. Meal preparation, childcare, running errands, and even just offering a supportive presence can be very comforting.

Respect Privacy:
Grieving is a deeply personal process, and not everyone does it in the same way. Respect the family’s boundaries and need for privacy. Avoid prying questions and allow them to initiate conversations about their loved one on their own.

Above all, understand that every funeral will not be the same. Funeral traditions vary between families, regions, countries, religions, and more. Don’t get stuck on what you think a funeral should be. Use these funeral guidelines to help you provide solace to those who are mourning. Remember, in moments of grief, the smallest gestures can have a profound effect and your thoughtfulness will be remembered.

Beyond Black: Exploring the History of Funeral Attire

Most people are familiar with the trope of wearing black to a funeral. But where does that come from and is it for everyone and every culture?

Wearing black attire for a funeral dates all the way back to ancient Rome and Greece. In these ancient civilizations, mourners wore dark colored garments as a sign of respect for the deceased.

In the Victorian age, the color black for mourning became a display of status and it symbolized wealth and opulence. Black was an expensive color to produce. White and brown were more practical and still acceptable colors for mourning at the time.

As so often happens in western culture, what to wear for mourning and to a funeral became a business. Mourning attire became a part of the fashion industry and lengthy rules and etiquette accompanied the trend. This article from The Atlantic goes into further detail.

While the long-term mourning attire trend has faded, western cultures today continue to honor the memory of their lost loved ones with black and dark colors at funerals. There is comfort in tradition, after all.

Black is also prevalent funeral attire in much of eastern Europe, Japan, and Brazil. In Thailand mourners don black, but widows wear purple. White, red, and yellow also have a rich history in funeral attire across the world. Love to Know breaks it all down.

In the contemporary African American community, the immediate family often creates a dress theme. As a guest, you might be invited to wear a complementary shade of a color or a custom-designed shirt, for example.

While the tradition of wearing black to a funeral persists, modern funeral attire also may include dark shades of gray, navy blue, or other subdued colors. This reflects a shift toward a more flexible interpretation of mourning attire. 

Funeral traditions are important and often are a show of respect for the family and for the deceased. Black and dark colors are generally a safe option when attending a funeral or memorial. If the family has specific plans in mind, rest assured, you will be notified.

End of Life Options Expanding: Human Composting and the Environmental Impact

Most of us are aware of the two most common forms of final rest, traditional casket burial and cremation. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, these accounted for nearly 95 percent of funerals in the United States in 2021, with cremation holding the edge over casket burial. As younger generations and their parents age, an increasing interest in environmentally conscious possibilities is emerging.

A new option for U.S. residents, human composting, is slowly becoming available across the country. California will begin allowing natural organic reduction (NOR), more commonly known as human composting or green burial, starting in 2027. The bill was signed by Governor Newsom in Sept of 2022. Supporters of this initiative promote it as “an eco-friendly alternative to traditional end-of-life options.” Environmental experts say the positive impact is significant and immediate to the environment. It could save the equivalent of one metric ton of carbon per person who selects the option. At the current time, human composting, on average, is less expensive than traditional casket burial, but more expensive than cremation.

Human composting is the first new and formally approved final resting option to become available to consumers in a very long time. The process involves encapsulating the deceased with alfalfa, straw, and sawdust. In approximately six to ten weeks a rich soil will be created. This option is becoming popular among the eco-conscious consumer and is expected to grow.

Human composting is already legal and available in Colorado, Nevada, New York, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington. Legislation to approve has been introduced or is in progress in Connecticut, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, New Mexico, Rhode Island, and Virginia. Legislation failed in Hawaii and Pennsylvania. Follow Earth Funeral for ongoing updates on this topic.  

Resources for more information:

https://recompose.life/who-we-are/#public-policy  

https://www.cnn.com/2022/10/01/us/california-human-composting-law-trnd/index.html

https://www.nbcnews.com/science/science-news/ve-always-wanted-tree-human-composting-starts-catch-rcna48653

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Media Contact:
Sara Stacy on behalf of Image Focus: 
(313) 510-2775 or sarastacypr@gmail.com

Toledo Memorial Park Hosts Annual Wreaths Across America Event 

Honoring our past through ceremony and education.

Sylvania, OH—The annual Wreaths Across America program at Toledo Memorial Park (the Park) is set for Saturday, Dec. 16, 2023, at noon. The event marks the 11th annual presentation of wreaths at the Park.

“The mission of Wreaths Across America is to remember the fallen; honor those who serve; and to teach the next generation the value of freedom,” said Jeff Glegg, president and CEO of the Park. “Being a local venue for this important event is something we hold dear at the Park. We are committed to honoring the legacy of first responders and veterans and this event serves as a lovely book end each year for the celebration of those who have served.” 

Visitors on Dec. 16 will experience a touching ceremony with wreath placement immediately following. This special event remembers and honors veterans by laying remembrance wreaths on the graves of our country's fallen heroes.

Please help us honor and remember as many fallen heroes as possible by sponsoring remembrance wreaths, volunteering on Wreaths Day or inviting your family and friends to attend with you. Specific grave requests at the cemetery can be made by contacting the location coordinator, Mel Harbaugh, at 46elapid@gmail.com to help ensure wreath placement.

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Toledo Memorial Park

Established in 1922, Toledo Memorial Park is the area’s finest cemetery, with 380 beautiful acres of meadows, ponds, magnificent trees, flowering plants and sculptures all designed to celebrate the living beauty of nature. Our goal has been to create a peaceful retreat where generations can gather in beauty and tranquility to remember their loved ones. The non-sectarian, non-denominational, non-profit Park is solely owned by property owners who believe in family, choices and commitment. The Park includes a crematory, mausoleums, chapels, columbariums and burial sections accommodating both lawn level memorials and upright monuments and provides for all individual preferences including earth burial, mausoleum entombment, cremation and inurnment. For more information visit www.ToledoMemorialPark.com or call (419) 882-7151.

Cremation is the leading choice for Americans

Let Toledo Memorial Park take care of you through the entire process

By 2040 a projected four out of five Americans will select cremation over traditional burial*. At Toledo Memorial Park, we want to make sure you have all the information at your fingertips and have all of your questions answered by someone local who can walk you, gently, through the process.

While the option to make arrangements in advance is available and encouraged, many people are navigating funeral and cremation services during difficult times. In the age of the internet, it’s easy to become misguided and confused about where service providers are located and if your loved one will be cared for locally or if portions of the process are outsourced**.

Toledo Memorial Park has an on-site crematory, providing peace of mind for your family. With multiple chapels and burial options available, you are able to customize the cremation services you choose for your loved one.

Choosing the forever place for your loved one is something to be done with care, kindness, and support. At Toledo Memorial Park we believe in family. We believe in providing choices and options. We believe in commitment and that is shown through our nearly century-old Trust that ensures the grounds will continue to be maintained long into the future. Call the Park today and have all of your pre-planning and cremation questions answered.

* Washington Post

** Seattle Times

Gardeners Should be Thinking Spring Even Though it’s Currently Fall

Now is the perfect time to start preparing your flower beds for next spring. This year’s late winter has given way to some beautiful flowers well into the fall, but to make sure next spring is even better, it’s time to clean up and get prepped.

October and November at the Park means pulling out the annuals—plants that flower for only one growing season—cleaning the beds, and planting bulbs that will share their beauty next spring.

Bulbs need to be planted in the fall so they can slowly chill and prepare themselves before the first frost. The exact timing for planting bulbs depends on your geographic hardiness zone. Here in northwest Ohio, the Park is in zone 6. Colder zones need to plant bulbs sooner and warmer zones can wait a bit.

Some of the best bulbs to choose for zone 6 include daffodils, tulips, and crocus. Bulbs to avoid for the cooler zones are calla lilies and dahlias.

At Toledo Memorial Park, the grounds crew is diligently cleaning flower beds and planting bulbs. “It’s the best kept secret at the Park because we don’t get to see the beauty until next spring,” said Gina Wells, executive coordinator at the Park.

Another important part of this fall clean up duty is for the team to collect seeds. This is done by seed extraction from the wildflower prairie area of the Park. In bountiful seed years, they are able to package the seeds and provide them to the public. Be sure to follow the Park on Facebook for updates on seed packet availability.  

Additional information:

Hardiness Zones

Zone 6 Bulbs