We all know there is no one, correct way to grieve. It’s different for everyone. When children are involved, it adds an additional layer to the process as they often don’t have the ability to articulate the way they feel, and it requires a grieving adult to be able to table their own process to provide support to the child. One funeral director lays out tips for helping families and children through the coping process.
Patience is the first thing the funeral director mentions. Being patient with children attending a service is key. One suggestion offered by the director is something we’ve discussed in our funeral etiquette series several times now and that’s to lean on the funeral home staff. Ask them for tips such as how to explain the open casket to children. Funeral home staff also often have resources available for children such as paper and coloring supplies. This can give the child a way to express themselves and offer a brief moment of respite for the adult.
Bring a delicate balance of honesty and comfort when supporting children. Open communication helps to create a safe space for them to express their emotions. Encourage them to share their thoughts, fears and memories. Use simple and clear language to help navigate the situation in an age-appropriate way. Let them know it's okay to feel sad, angry or confused. All feelings are valid.
Another tip is to inform older children they can exit the space at any moment and have another adult, such as a family friend, available to take younger children if it becomes clear they need a break. Having the dedicated immediate family-only rule that we’ve mentioned in past blogs for the family room is particularly helpful for this.
A story from verywell family explains that when a child is grieving it can be difficult to tell. The article goes on to say, “Kids process and display complex emotions differently than adults.” Things to look out for in children include new clinginess, regression, trouble at school, sleep issues and more.
The bottom line is that grief is a complicated and challenging emotion, and it can be difficult to support children during this time. Accept help from the funeral staff, watch for seemingly unusual signs of grief and consider professional grief counseling. All of these tips will go a long way for both the adults and children suffering the grieving process.