Grief is a bit of a conundrum because while it is a universal experience, it’s also deeply personal, and how we process grief is unique to each person. Taking the time to understand the differences in funerary traditions and the varying needs of a person suffering grief will help you prepare for your own future needs, but also help you to support the people around you.
Processing Grief:
Grief can take time. It’s important to take the time you need to process grief. Everyone’s timeline for this will be personal and very different. Whether you or your loved one moves through the process quickly or requires a lot of time, both situations are totally valid and should be respected.
It’s okay to seek support. Support shows itself in many forms. Family and friends are a great option for many, but some people do better with therapy, counseling and grief support groups. Grief Share is a great resource for finding a support group in your area.
Other ways to help yourself or a grieving loved one is to keep up with self-care, look for creative outlets, maintain daily routines and set boundaries, among other things that bring comfort.
For some, like in this article, the mere opportunity to fully express their grief helped to bring relief. The author explains that being able to attend funerals as a child helped him process the loss of a loved one. So he, in turn, gave the same opportunity to his own son. By doing so, he encountered unexpected criticism. His son was close with the deceased, and he felt strongly that being allowed to express grief in the moment would have a positive outcome for his child.
This brings up the importance of being respectful of funerary traditions and the personal choices people make around funerals.
Funerary Expectations and Traditions:
Cultural traditions bring diversity to funerals. Western cultures tend to lean toward a ceremony followed by burial or cremation internment at a cemetery. Other cultures may incorporate their own symbolism and ancestral practices. Because the world is becoming more and more diverse, these traditions overlap and become blended as we evolve.
Bringing children to a funeral. This is a deeply personal decision. Perhaps the child was very close to the deceased or maybe the parent doesn’t have childcare available. Whatever the reason, criticism of this choice only leads to hurt feelings.
Traditional versus non-traditional. In the modern times in which we live, tradition can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Decisions around religious and non-religious, burial and cremation, all should earn respect and kindness during the difficult time the family is experiencing.
When it comes to grief and funeral expectations, you are best served by having none. Respect the wishes and decisions the family and other funeral attendees make. You may not know the whole story. You might even be surprised by the wishes of the deceased as in this story.