Practical Tips to Minimize Funeral Stress

We speak often on this blog about the difficulties that come with planning and attending the funeral of a loved one. There are many ways to prepare in advance to help create a smoother experience for yourself. For example, pre-planning arrangements for yourself or your loved one. But there are more nuanced helpful ways to reduce stress than the literal preparation for the event.

Set Boundaries:
We hear the term boundaries often these days. It has become a bit of a buzzword, but it’s quite important in so many aspects of our lives to have clearly defined boundaries to protect our own mental well-being. When it comes to dealing with the loss of a loved one, having clearly defined funeral boundaries in place can really help. Many funeral homes provide a private room for the immediate family. Make sure it’s clear that the family room is only intended for the immediate family of the deceased. It’s too easy for the room to fill up with well-intentioned people, but that defeats the very important purpose of the space. The immediate family needs a space that is calm and private. Your funeral director can help in making sure this boundary is respected.

Ditch the drama:
All reasons and excuses aside, funerals can bring out drama. It’s the last thing a person needs when taking care of funeral arrangements and coming to terms with the death of a loved one. In many cases, the simplest way to deal with this sort of thing is to find a family friend or extended family member who can snuff out drama before it starts.

Consider grief counseling/therapy:
As can be seen from the tips above, the key is to take the best care of yourself that’s possible during this time. Grief counseling and therapy can go a long way for many people. Other things to consider are grief and loss support groups in your area.

When it comes down to it, don’t be afraid to utilize your funeral director to the fullest extent. Ask every question that comes to mind, have them enforce boundaries, and more. Your expectations of the funeral director should be high and because of the sensitive nature of this business, most of the time, your high expectations will be met and even exceeded.

Navigating Funeral Attendee Etiquette with Compassion and Respect

To build on our last post about funeral attire, today we dive into more funeral etiquette tips to help because attending a funeral is never easy. Whether you are close to the person who passed away or you are close to the person who lost someone, it’s a poignant event. Funerals require a blend of sensitivity, compassion, and self-awareness. Use this guide to help you bring calm and comfort to your friends and loved ones without accidentally bringing unintended discomfort.

Dress Appropriately:
A funeral is a somber event. Choose subdued clothing, such as dark colors and conservative styles. Avoid flashy colors and accessories as well as overly casual attire.

Be Punctual:
It’s important to be on time when attending a funeral. Ideally, arrive a little early to show respect for the grieving family and to allow yourself time to find a seat without causing disruption. If you are unavoidably late, enter the venue quietly and consider staying in the back of the room.

Expressing Condolences:
Take a moment to express your condolences to the grieving family. A simple, heartfelt expression of sympathy goes a long way. Avoid clichés or heavy religious sentiments. A sincere, “I'm so sorry for your loss,” can be perfectly meaningful.

Mindful Behavior:
During the service, turn off your phone or set it to silent. If you need to leave early, do so discreetly. Keep conversations minimal and hushed.

Flowers or Gifts:
Generally, the traditional support is sending flowers or a sympathy card. Be mindful of cultural or religious preferences. Sometimes families request charitable donations in lieu of flowers. This is a great request to fulfill and will show the family how much you care.

Children at Funerals:
If you need to bring children to a funeral, prepare them for the nature of the event and help them understand the importance of quiet and respectful behavior.

Offer Practical Support:
Grieving families can often benefit from practical help in the days following a funeral. Meal preparation, childcare, running errands, and even just offering a supportive presence can be very comforting.

Respect Privacy:
Grieving is a deeply personal process, and not everyone does it in the same way. Respect the family’s boundaries and need for privacy. Avoid prying questions and allow them to initiate conversations about their loved one on their own.

Above all, understand that every funeral will not be the same. Funeral traditions vary between families, regions, countries, religions, and more. Don’t get stuck on what you think a funeral should be. Use these funeral guidelines to help you provide solace to those who are mourning. Remember, in moments of grief, the smallest gestures can have a profound effect and your thoughtfulness will be remembered.

Beyond Black: Exploring the History of Funeral Attire

Most people are familiar with the trope of wearing black to a funeral. But where does that come from and is it for everyone and every culture?

Wearing black attire for a funeral dates all the way back to ancient Rome and Greece. In these ancient civilizations, mourners wore dark colored garments as a sign of respect for the deceased.

In the Victorian age, the color black for mourning became a display of status and it symbolized wealth and opulence. Black was an expensive color to produce. White and brown were more practical and still acceptable colors for mourning at the time.

As so often happens in western culture, what to wear for mourning and to a funeral became a business. Mourning attire became a part of the fashion industry and lengthy rules and etiquette accompanied the trend. This article from The Atlantic goes into further detail.

While the long-term mourning attire trend has faded, western cultures today continue to honor the memory of their lost loved ones with black and dark colors at funerals. There is comfort in tradition, after all.

Black is also prevalent funeral attire in much of eastern Europe, Japan, and Brazil. In Thailand mourners don black, but widows wear purple. White, red, and yellow also have a rich history in funeral attire across the world. Love to Know breaks it all down.

In the contemporary African American community, the immediate family often creates a dress theme. As a guest, you might be invited to wear a complementary shade of a color or a custom-designed shirt, for example.

While the tradition of wearing black to a funeral persists, modern funeral attire also may include dark shades of gray, navy blue, or other subdued colors. This reflects a shift toward a more flexible interpretation of mourning attire. 

Funeral traditions are important and often are a show of respect for the family and for the deceased. Black and dark colors are generally a safe option when attending a funeral or memorial. If the family has specific plans in mind, rest assured, you will be notified.

End of Life Options Expanding: Human Composting and the Environmental Impact

Most of us are aware of the two most common forms of final rest, traditional casket burial and cremation. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, these accounted for nearly 95 percent of funerals in the United States in 2021, with cremation holding the edge over casket burial. As younger generations and their parents age, an increasing interest in environmentally conscious possibilities is emerging.

A new option for U.S. residents, human composting, is slowly becoming available across the country. California will begin allowing natural organic reduction (NOR), more commonly known as human composting or green burial, starting in 2027. The bill was signed by Governor Newsom in Sept of 2022. Supporters of this initiative promote it as “an eco-friendly alternative to traditional end-of-life options.” Environmental experts say the positive impact is significant and immediate to the environment. It could save the equivalent of one metric ton of carbon per person who selects the option. At the current time, human composting, on average, is less expensive than traditional casket burial, but more expensive than cremation.

Human composting is the first new and formally approved final resting option to become available to consumers in a very long time. The process involves encapsulating the deceased with alfalfa, straw, and sawdust. In approximately six to ten weeks a rich soil will be created. This option is becoming popular among the eco-conscious consumer and is expected to grow.

Human composting is already legal and available in Colorado, Nevada, New York, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington. Legislation to approve has been introduced or is in progress in Connecticut, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, New Mexico, Rhode Island, and Virginia. Legislation failed in Hawaii and Pennsylvania. Follow Earth Funeral for ongoing updates on this topic.  

Resources for more information:

https://recompose.life/who-we-are/#public-policy  

https://www.cnn.com/2022/10/01/us/california-human-composting-law-trnd/index.html

https://www.nbcnews.com/science/science-news/ve-always-wanted-tree-human-composting-starts-catch-rcna48653

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Media Contact:
Sara Stacy on behalf of Image Focus: 
(313) 510-2775 or sarastacypr@gmail.com

Toledo Memorial Park Hosts Annual Wreaths Across America Event 

Honoring our past through ceremony and education.

Sylvania, OH—The annual Wreaths Across America program at Toledo Memorial Park (the Park) is set for Saturday, Dec. 16, 2023, at noon. The event marks the 11th annual presentation of wreaths at the Park.

“The mission of Wreaths Across America is to remember the fallen; honor those who serve; and to teach the next generation the value of freedom,” said Jeff Glegg, president and CEO of the Park. “Being a local venue for this important event is something we hold dear at the Park. We are committed to honoring the legacy of first responders and veterans and this event serves as a lovely book end each year for the celebration of those who have served.” 

Visitors on Dec. 16 will experience a touching ceremony with wreath placement immediately following. This special event remembers and honors veterans by laying remembrance wreaths on the graves of our country's fallen heroes.

Please help us honor and remember as many fallen heroes as possible by sponsoring remembrance wreaths, volunteering on Wreaths Day or inviting your family and friends to attend with you. Specific grave requests at the cemetery can be made by contacting the location coordinator, Mel Harbaugh, at 46elapid@gmail.com to help ensure wreath placement.

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Toledo Memorial Park

Established in 1922, Toledo Memorial Park is the area’s finest cemetery, with 380 beautiful acres of meadows, ponds, magnificent trees, flowering plants and sculptures all designed to celebrate the living beauty of nature. Our goal has been to create a peaceful retreat where generations can gather in beauty and tranquility to remember their loved ones. The non-sectarian, non-denominational, non-profit Park is solely owned by property owners who believe in family, choices and commitment. The Park includes a crematory, mausoleums, chapels, columbariums and burial sections accommodating both lawn level memorials and upright monuments and provides for all individual preferences including earth burial, mausoleum entombment, cremation and inurnment. For more information visit www.ToledoMemorialPark.com or call (419) 882-7151.

Cremation is the leading choice for Americans

Let Toledo Memorial Park take care of you through the entire process

By 2040 a projected four out of five Americans will select cremation over traditional burial*. At Toledo Memorial Park, we want to make sure you have all the information at your fingertips and have all of your questions answered by someone local who can walk you, gently, through the process.

While the option to make arrangements in advance is available and encouraged, many people are navigating funeral and cremation services during difficult times. In the age of the internet, it’s easy to become misguided and confused about where service providers are located and if your loved one will be cared for locally or if portions of the process are outsourced**.

Toledo Memorial Park has an on-site crematory, providing peace of mind for your family. With multiple chapels and burial options available, you are able to customize the cremation services you choose for your loved one.

Choosing the forever place for your loved one is something to be done with care, kindness, and support. At Toledo Memorial Park we believe in family. We believe in providing choices and options. We believe in commitment and that is shown through our nearly century-old Trust that ensures the grounds will continue to be maintained long into the future. Call the Park today and have all of your pre-planning and cremation questions answered.

* Washington Post

** Seattle Times

Gardeners Should be Thinking Spring Even Though it’s Currently Fall

Now is the perfect time to start preparing your flower beds for next spring. This year’s late winter has given way to some beautiful flowers well into the fall, but to make sure next spring is even better, it’s time to clean up and get prepped.

October and November at the Park means pulling out the annuals—plants that flower for only one growing season—cleaning the beds, and planting bulbs that will share their beauty next spring.

Bulbs need to be planted in the fall so they can slowly chill and prepare themselves before the first frost. The exact timing for planting bulbs depends on your geographic hardiness zone. Here in northwest Ohio, the Park is in zone 6. Colder zones need to plant bulbs sooner and warmer zones can wait a bit.

Some of the best bulbs to choose for zone 6 include daffodils, tulips, and crocus. Bulbs to avoid for the cooler zones are calla lilies and dahlias.

At Toledo Memorial Park, the grounds crew is diligently cleaning flower beds and planting bulbs. “It’s the best kept secret at the Park because we don’t get to see the beauty until next spring,” said Gina Wells, executive coordinator at the Park.

Another important part of this fall clean up duty is for the team to collect seeds. This is done by seed extraction from the wildflower prairie area of the Park. In bountiful seed years, they are able to package the seeds and provide them to the public. Be sure to follow the Park on Facebook for updates on seed packet availability.  

Additional information:

Hardiness Zones

Zone 6 Bulbs

Have you prepared a will?

The question, “Do you have a will?” is tossed around from time to time. For slightly more than half of Americans, the answer is, no. According to a 2021 Gallup poll, about 46% of Americans have a will with the percentage increasing as age increases.

When most people think of a will, the first thing that comes to mind is a legal document regarding assets, child custody, etc. It is best to consult a lawyer for this type of will. In addition to this very important legal will, many people today are choosing to prepare an ethical will as well.

An ethical will is not a legal document and can be prepared and shared in whatever way you personally choose. It’s an opportunity for you to share life lessons and values you find important or the reasoning behind the decisions in your legal will. It's also a vessel to speak to your loved ones on a more personal level.

Take your time and reflect during this process. Make notes about important points you want to include, and people you want to mention. Use this opportunity to include some personal touches that your loved ones will enjoy.

Your ethical will is something you will want to return to every few years to edit and consider. Life is unpredictable and end of life planning can be daunting, but much like pre-planning your arrangements, taking the time to prepare and maintain legal and ethical wills can be invaluable to your family.

Save money in the long-term and save your family from added stress by pre-planning

Tips for how to become financially free or more prepared for the future are common topics. One of the possibly lesser known among these financially savvy tips is to pre-plan for your own funeral or memorial and end of life intentions.

The death of a loved one is an obviously difficult and highly emotional experience. If you have taken the time and care to pre-plan for your arrangements it can significantly ease a portion of the hardship that could weigh upon your family. There are so many details to figure out and it can be quite difficult to make decisions under stress while mourning the loss of someone special.

Working on this in a preemptive way allows you to approach the topic with logic and a clear mind. Locking in and pre-paying eliminates the impact of inflation. Having a prepaid plan also eliminates the potentially unexpected financial burden on your loved ones. This process tells your family and loved ones exactly what your wishes are and allows them to execute the plan knowing it was what you wanted. It removes any possibility that they struggle with the daunting process or feel the need to overspend. Pre-planning gives your loved ones the gift of being able to grieve in the way that they need to as well as making sure your wishes are carried out for your funeral or memorial service.   

Whether you’re looking for ground burial or cremation services, Toledo Memorial Park will be able to help you plan. Once you’ve worked with a dedicated member of the team, you’ll be able to work out your lump payment or payment plan. While there are specific details to each option, you can rest assured you have taken inflation out of the equation. You’ll receive everything you need to provide simple instructions to your family and loved ones on how to enact your personal plans.

Pre-planning with the team at Toledo Memorial Park is a smooth process. Take control of your future while easing the burden placed on your loved ones and call the Park today.

Additional information and resources:

Next Avenue

The Money Pages

Funeral traditions, a global view

From fantasy coffins to being memorialized at sea, funeral traditions vary greatly around the world. Of course, most people reading this are quite familiar with American funeral traditions. Religious ceremonies hosted in a place of worship and/or opportunities to mourn together in funeral homes and culminating with cremation or traditional burial ceremonies in a cemetery much like Toledo Memorial Park.

Some traditions aim to celebrate the life of the deceased with loud, jubilant music like New Orleans Jazz Funerals. The jazz parade begins at the church or funeral home and leads mourners and loved ones to the cemetery. Music played during the procession ranges from spiritual to joyful and fun. Everyone is encouraged to dance. Other cultures, such as in India along the Ganges river, also embrace the parade-style of paying homage to loved ones.

In Ghana a furniture maker popularized fantasy coffins or “okadi adekai” in the 1950s. Today, his son carries on the craft and the deceased can be laid to rest in a coffin that shows details of their life, dreams, or whatever fantasy they or their loved ones want to present. Speaking of coffins, in the Philippians the Igorot people hang coffins over the side of a cliff. While the practice is rare today, it was thought this would bring the deceased closer to their ancestors.

Along the coast of Florida, people can choose to have their cremains turned into a portion of a coral reef. End of life options and traditions vary greatly across the cultures and throughout world history. Click for more on global and historic funeral traditions.

Time marches on and traditions grow, evolve, and change. The Green Burial Council is working toward making burial more eco-friendly. While not yet an option in all 50 states, the emerging trend of human composting is on pace to become a new funeral custom.

As always, the friendly and helpful staff at the Park can answer all of your funeral, cremation, and burial questions. Whether you’re pre-planning for yourself of a loved one or have a more pressing need, the Toledo Memorial Park team can guide you.