When someone you care about loses a loved one, it can be hard to know what to say or do. You may worry about accidentally doing or saying something insensitive. But what really matters most is your presence, your empathy and your willingness to support.
Here are some ways you can help:
Reach Out Early and Continue to Reach Out
Don’t wait. A simple message acknowledging the loss can mean a lot. Let them know you care and you’re thinking of them.
Continue to check in over time. Many people offer support in the days right after a loss, but grief often stretches out. Continue reaching out weeks and months later.
Be consistent but gentle. They might not always respond and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate your gesture.
Listen More, Talk Less
Let them talk about their loved one. Don’t avoid mentioning the deceased. Naming them helps the bereaved feel their memory is honored.
Avoid platitudes like “They’re in a better place” or “Everything happens for a reason.” These often feel dismissive or minimize the loss.
Acknowledge how hard it is: “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.”
If they don’t want to talk, sit quietly with them. Sometimes your presence is the kindest gift.
Don’t rush. There is no right timeline for grief. Let your friend have the space to feel sad, angry, confused or numb.
Offer Practical Help
When someone is grieving, everyday tasks can feel overwhelming. Instead of saying, “Let me know what I can do,” try:
“I’m going to the grocery store; can I bring you anything?”
“Can I drop off a meal tonight or help with dishes tomorrow?”
“Would you like me to handle your mail or pick up something for your pets?”
Remember Important Dates & Milestones
Things like anniversaries, birthdays and holidays can reopen wounds. Mark these on your calendar and reach out, saying something simple like, “I’m thinking of you today. I’m here if you want to talk or just hang out.” Simple gestures like this remind your friend they’re not forgotten.
Encourage Support
You don’t have to be the only support system. If it feels appropriate, over time, gently suggest resources like:
Grief or bereavement groups (in person or online)
Counselors or therapists who specialize in grief
Be sensitive. Your friend may or may not be ready to accept those options.
Supporting someone who is grieving is one of the most important roles a friend can take on. You won’t always know the perfect thing to say or do and that’s okay. What matters is your presence, your willingness to listen, your patience and your love.
Your friends at the Park are always available to help and here are a few other resources in case you need more information.
https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/grief/how-to-help-a-grieving-friend
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-not-to-say-to-someone-grieving-11765591